Commando (1985)
If there's a mission that no man could survive...then *he's* the man for the job.
It’s a brand new year, and a brand new everything - if you are one of those folks that feel like a new number makes things somehow entirely different in the universe for some reason. Here in my world, I like to bring in something I like to start of fthe year - of course, the non-repeats of the review format really hurts my normal desire - which is usually to rewatch the same movies repeatedly - but the good part is we get to do something new that’s also old to bring in the new year - old Arnold movie I’ve watched numerous times, and yet much like most the movies from last year somehow didn’t already do a review on here at all. Oh well, strap on your love of one-liners and oil up those muscles, tonight we visit Commando.
When you are a great career military person whose done some things in their lifespan, the real elite of the elite - you get a nice retirement package. Turns out, it sometimes comes with a hint of after-work dangers and revenge lust from people you may or may not have beat down in those times. One such event is occurring when the team members of a retired commando start getting picked off one by one. When they come knocking on his door, however, instead of just being a normal hit they kidnap his daughter and try to force him into doing their dirty work - taking out a president that they helped set up in another country. After escaping his babysitter during the plane flight, our commando hero has only eleven hours to find and rescue his daughter before things go very south. It’s simple, it’s point to point, and it gives you things so conveniently in order that you’d think it was scripted (I’ve got jokes to, ha!).
It’s not super elaborate, but it gets it done. You get some bonus side quests in typical Arnold movie fashion, as there’s always a female lead who helps out in varying degrees of success. In the case of this one, she doesn’t really have as much a story of her own going on as much as getting somewhat kidnapped into helping the main before turning around and deciding he’s actually a good guy and helping him out without being forced - but she does contribute multiple times to the stories progression, so that’s more than a lot of side characters can claim. She does have that tendancy to be a bit like a Kenny though - for all the times she’s not bad and helpful, she’s got more scenes where she can be incredibly annoying. Screw it though, it’s the 80s man! Most the characters aren’t anything wicked standout - this isn’t a deep movie, this is what people think about when they want a classic musclebound action film. That said, the leads are distinguished from each other, a few of the baddies stand out quite well from each other as far as horrible personality traits go, and the kid is cute enough with the main in that sort of television sitcom way that it all works.
The acting is going to be rough for some people. In the modern times, I feel movies very much go towards “big budget high acting” or “SyFy original” grades, and it’s a noticeable separation most the time. It’s good enough to hit the “as expected” of the time, and it does have some moments where it works pretty good, but take an acceptable level of acting and then smudge it in some cheese and you should have some tampered expectations to fully let you enjoy what you are watching. Part of how this still works without making it feel really bad is the fact that the movie never tries to play out as being ultra realistic or wicked high-grade stuff. It’s an action movie, everyone wants some of the scenery, and we are all here to just have fun and watch some things explode.
I managed to hit this shot randomly. What a good sign!
So let’s talk action. It’s pretty good and fun if we want it as simple as possible. The front end has a lot less gun-play action and more fist fights and chases, whereas the last act is really where you get into the high body-count, never need to reload one man army kind of action. Although none of it is super elaborate, it’s still put together fine enough for the movie that it comes off enjoyable - probably at least in some part thanks to the cheese fuel-injected through the spiffy one-liners like “I lied” and “let off some steam.” Choreography isn’t bad, and although lacking compared to some of the over-the-top stuff that we get these days it’s much more basic and easier to follow without the needs of cuts. By the end, we get real over the top with the explosions and body count, so you always have that to look forward to.
The effects of course tie in to the action scenes, with plenty of explosions in the final act, but also some good furniture and environmental destruction, blood smudges, and a few interesting kills in the end. Yeah, you might not be impressed about all the effects - like when you got to see the wooden stand holding up the mannequin during the explosion sequence. There’s also some inconsistencies here and there, like Arnold’s amazing color-changing speedo. Costumes are largely what you’d expect for the setting during the bulk of the movie - modern attire for the time, stuff that blends in as real and yet doesn’t stand out enough for you to really feel impressed by. On of the villains outfits is… interesting, albeit memorable even if for the wrong ways. Of course, Arnold gets some semi-iconic action look by the end, and if dudes with bulging muscles is your thing then you need look no further.
Soundtrack is fun, and at the cost of sounding like a broken record very 80’s tropical. It’s fun to listen to, but I won’t tell you that it’s stuck with me afterwards or anything. It’s balanced well enough, although occasionally a line comes in quieter than others. Most things have what I would refer to as classic sounds when on the audio effect front, but as a whole it’s largely a lot of “not bad, not mind blowing” that I can enjoy when not wanting something in either category. Line deliveries are all over the place - not necessarily in a bad way, but certainly in a cheese kind of way.
One man army.
I like this movie, it’s fun. Did it age particularly well? I mean, I think most people would be more compelled to laugh at it and the one liners and memes then they would specifically check it out as a game-changing action movie. It’s a fun action romp with everyone’s favorite dude. It has guns, it has girls ( but not to just ogle with your eyes), and it has guys with biceps larger than my forehead. Watch the trailer - if it looks fun totally give it a rent and maybe a buy. If you like old action flicks, you’ll have fun here, I know I do.