Slotherhouse (2023)
Don't rush, die slow.
Ever wonder what would happen if you replaced a slasher villain with a small unassuming animal that nobody ever would have thought a killer? Well, someone did. Not only did someone think that, they actually made a movie around it - and they had quite a sense of humor about it. Some might expect a pretty slow burn out of this one, but the most worrying thing to anyone normally interested in the kind of movie this pitches is the PG-13 rating. Tonight, we move slow because slow is smooth and smooth is fast, tonight we visit Slotherhouse.
The moment they named this thing a pun I was on board with watching it. Yes, i have a penchant for bad movies and creature features and slasher flicks anyways, but come on, Slotherhouse? It’s genius. A college gal looking to be president of the sorority decides to “adopt” a sloth from a poacher (or as far as she knows “exotic animal dealer”). This turns out to be a rather not good idea, as this isn’t just a sloth - this is a patented murder sloth from Panama, and it doesn’t much care about anything else- at least after it gets around to it. The rest of the movie is largely co-ed shenanigans and that lovely bit of commentary on such obvious things as the goods and bads of animal rights and personal conflicts or college politics. Bright and bubbly dummies meet blood thirsty revenge animal if you want to boil it down to a soup.
Actors, as you can guess, might not always be the largest shining star of talent. You know what though? They do a pretty spot on job of what you would expect - bubbly college idiots, green loving ladies, snooty power trippers - there’s nothing about it that doesn’t feel like actors aren’t nailing whats meant for their character - even if any of those moments aren’t particularly great. At times, what could be a moment of seriousness can be ruined somewhat by what gets delivered - but at the same time, it’s a movie about a killer sloth that never fully takes itself a hundred percent serious, so it’s hard to blame an actor on doing what you are pretty sure they were told to do, especially when it’s really not all that bad a job of it.
Characters on the flip side of that can sometimes suffer a little bit. It’s not that characters are bad - I mean, no worse that normal in movies - it’s that sometimes the character is meant to be college-kid in a movie annoying, and when the actor does a good job of it it’s almost unfortunate for the viewer. Let’s just say there is no shortage of character that you will miss if they get sloth’ed. The main character does have a personal journey of discovery to go on, Is it something that’s going to speak to a ton of people? Probably not the crowd that will watch this movie - but in the long run it can be summed up as the characters taking a hit for the overall absurdity and generalized fun of the movie. They’re there, some of the key ones are different, and most the side ones are cookie cutter. In an odd way, I guess the sloth also has some level of development in a way. Not every monster has some kind of thread to them, especially when it comes to slasher flicks, so any little amount is nice in that regard.
Practically a sloth.
There’s a few different avenues to be approaching when thinking of someone whose interested in seeing this movie. Maybe they want to see the kills of the slashers movie, maybe they want some good-bad stuff like cheesy lines and wonky acting, Some might be coming in here for all the pretty girls. Well, different parts of this are more successful than others. For example - the acting isn’t really all that bad, so someone looking for a truly awful sort of SyFy original movie will be a little saddened by that. That said, there is some effects that are kinda bad, and certainly a bunch of the situations are totally ridiculous. The sloth, for example, is largely practical. Some of the blood effects are also rather practical, and the do generally look good as far as people being wounded. On the flip side of that, a wound on the sloth is usually pretty fake looking. Some of the effects, like the little HUD style social overlays when it introduces a new character, look good and can be sort of neat.
Some people are coming purely for the body count, and those ones might end up being the most disappointed. You see, although the count is pretty stocked, it also lacks the on-screen kills that most the gore-hounds would desire coming to a slasher. Most every death is off screen kills in this movie - and yes, some are pretty fun things, largely very not sloth-like. The other large elements people would enjoy in the campier slashers is a little skin - which is also missing. You do get a lovely batch of actress flitting about, and the occasional shirtless dude to woo the ladies. The sloth itself largely always looks real in the sense of it being practical, but also not so much convincing that it isn’t a puppet or sorts - but that does mean that folks who are more into just “stupid” movies will get more out of this one than the typical effects-lover.
Audio didn’t do much for standing out, but that could largely just be me. It mostly stayed as background enhancement sort of thing, with an actual song or two thrown in for good measure to play with a scene. Line deliveries are well enough, and the balance is good so you don’t go missing anything said. The movie is really one of those that’s best approached without huge expectations - know what your getting into, a rather unrealistic murder-venture involving a sloth at a sorority house. There’s some fodder for the thinking types in here - although it can easily be argued that it’s been done better elsewhere. You have the animal rights angle, you have the finding yourself and the dangers of popularity, and the meaning of friendship and leadership sort of angles. I’m not saying you should watch the movie for that - but it is there, and credit where credit is due.
Oh look, they have a HUD.
I think the best I could sum it up is it’s a fun but dumb movie. It has things to say, at times somewhat meaningful even, but overall it waters down to a movie about a sloth that’s jumping about the room murdering folks in an act of vengeance and rage. It throws all sorts of little easter eggs in for various other horror movies. It’s the kind of movie for most where you’d end up seeing it in the background at a party, where you’re only half paying attention to it and probably drinking but having a good time whenever you look over at it. I had a good time with it, even if it might have been better with that R rating instead of a PG-13. Granted, then it wouldn’t be quite as “family friendly” and the mood might be a little less goofy because of it, but that’s what special editions are for right?