The Witches (1990)
Saving the world from witches is a tall order for a boy they've turned into a mouse!
Do you want a family movie that’ll potentially scar your kids forever? Well I tell you what, they don’t make them like they used to! Tonight’s little tale will have you second guessing that next candy bar, wondering if it’s the witches or the diabetes that’s going to get you. Of course, as a grown person perhaps you won’t be nearly as effected as you may have once been when seeing this one - maybe it’s actually not good at all, and just that coating of nostalgia causing you to hold it higher in regards than it actually deserves. There be but one way to really find out, so steel yourself for The Witches.
I may have hyped up the horror aspect of the movie a bit much there in the preamble, but honestly if most people are going to remember this movie, it’s probably for how absolutely nuts-o it seemed. Witches, kids getting turned into mice and nearly chopped up, horrible chaos and an old lady with a weakness to sugar - but do they remember it because it’s the only real good part or simply because it was the only part that really effected them at a younger age? This based on a book film is quite something, even now - although let’s get out my obligatory “I haven’t read the source so I can’t speak to that” line that always happens and is just as true here. The story follows a kid with some terrible luck and his grandma that doesn’t just believe in witches - she knows they are real and has a history with them!
It’s almost Disney-esque, in that the kid’s parents die, setting him up to live with his grandma who also finds out she’s diabetic. She’s told the kid all sorts of stories about witches, and one runs into him while he’s playing in his tree house after they move to England after his parents pass. They decide a nice little vacation by the sea would be a good idea - but as it would turn out, the witches of old England just so happen to be holding a meeting there. All manner of danger and excitement await our little kid, as it’s up to him to save all the kids of England from the witches nefarious plot! It’s that sort of upbeat adventure turned dark in many spots sort of tale that you kind of associate with how a lot of Disney movies used to start off - I mean, lets be honest if “Disney” was attached to your box art somewhere, at least one of your parents was toast before ten minutes in. It also reminds me a bit of some of the perhaps unintentionally terrifying movies for families that came out around the time - which of course wasn’t just limited to Disney at all.
The plot is set up and plays out fairly well, although it doesn’t make itself incredibly complex. It’s essentially a series of unfortunate events with some mystical ties and a kid who has to become Martin in order to save the day - and bonus points if you even got that reference. It leaves plenty of moments to play with tension and danger, a few times where it allows some emotions to try and play forward, and a large pallet-sized amount of space set apart to let you appreciate the effects department. Some of these things were helped by the time it was made - effects are plenty practical, which brings with it it’s own charms and misgivings - whilst others weren’t so well off - like kid actors. Still, the plot facilitates the on screen events, and outside of the ending that was changed to apparently end on a more upbeat note causing a little bit of nonsense, it holds up fine without being a masterpiece.
That ain’t mickey!
The acting in this won’t be appreciated by everyone - it never really feels like it’s aiming for a serious level. It’s plenty hammy, incredibly over the top at times, and sometimes just not great at all (normally with the kids). I can’t tell you if it’s intentional at all, but I can tell you that some people aren’t going to be praising the performances here, and I made a mental note at one point that the kid was doing a more convincing job of acting as a mouse. The live action animals that get cut in for a lot of the movement also work out pretty good, and although it’s pretty noticeable when one is or is not an actual mouse, it works well within the movie and at least isn’t some goofy human mouth overlain onto a mouse body to try and convince you it’s totally talking.
The effects are certainly the main talking point of this movie to me. Yeah, the fake-mouse for close up talking shots isn’t exactly one hundred percent convincing, but it looks darn good and has plenty of character to it despite it’s limitations. The witches all look convincingly witch like as it pertains to the story of the movie - particularly when they aren’t trying to blend in and their roughed up hairless heads are visible amongst their square feet. Of course, most the effect you see on the witches throughout the movie is largely the glint of their eyes, but the mother of all witches - the High witch - is a different story all together. This thing goes full blown beak-nosed hairy bony face and is just shy the color green of being the typical thought of a witch before the trend of making everything “sexy” hit. More akin to what one might think when they hear the phrase “Bog hag” - like in Legend - than the Wicked Green. Of course, while all these effects are good regardless of their subtlety and use, the one that probably takes the cake is the transformation scenes - and some of the absolute bonkers stills you could make from those, particularly on the character Bruno, even gave me a shudder. The effects are darn good - and that’s largely why so many people remember this movie for being so messed up, I mean, you don’t get a bunch of people turning into mice all burping and farting green gas and violently spinning and flailing about with various stages of were-mouse floating about without scaring a few kids.
Audio is okay, although the voices towards the start I found a bit quiet. The thing holds up pretty well video quality wise whilst I watched it through Netflix, at the very least better quality then the trailer I found to get images for the review from. This is good for the folks who wanted to see the witches in their gross warty details, but also just kind of helps the movie be easier on the eyes as a whole when things don’t look as muddy as it could look. The fact I find the effects to be the best part of the movie certainly benefits from the movie looking better quality as well! Now, as I did mention it’s a bit of a family movie - although you might want to check it first since you’d be better assessed of your kids level of handling the more bizarre elements of the film - and in turn those always have at least some basic moral in here. You can dig in to it to find a few things in here as well, such as not taking candy from strangers or the general concept that strangers can be bad - in as such as evil magic toting kid hating witches are bad. There’s some humor in there, largely situational and not exactly all evoking any real form of laughter - and also some implied moments that should mostly be over the kid’s heads. Yeah, I know what you were doing in that room with Mr. Bean lady - any adult does.
Somebody got real ugly real fast.
This movie has some good effects and doesn’t take too long to watch. It might sound a bit harsh when I say it like that, but it’s ideally summing it up quite nicely for me - I was much further through the movie than I even though whilst watching it, as it kept me entertained without wasting too much time. Some of the acting might not be great, and a lot of the characters are starting the movie in one place and ending in the same, but for a story about witches that’s potentially family suitable it isn’t bad. I think that most would enjoy something more along the funny romp of Hocus Pocus than this, but for an older crowd wanting something with a bit more of an effects-fueled spooky edge this one does a much nicer job.