Robot Jox (1989)
The ultimate killing machine. Part Man. Part Metal.
Remember when I did that other mech movie earlier in the year? Well, I found another one that I thought I had done and didn’t do yet, so everyone gets to win! It’s older and it might just hold up better than I thought - and it’s got plenty of not CG for the folks who hate computers! Settle in to your cockpits and prep to crash and burn, tonight is Robot Jox.
War is so lame, it’s been replaced with giant one on one mech battles between different territories looking to stake claim. We come in as one side is dangerously close to claiming Alaska after having just torn through most the old red and white team. It would appear that there is a spy amongst them, leaking all of their new secret weapons and putting them at a huge disadvantage. In what should be a triumphant stopping point of a fight, our lead ends up smooshing a bunch of spectators after trying to in fact save them from the illegally fired rocket fist of his opponent. The refs call this inconclusive, and the big battle will happen in a weeks time - will the main overcome his PTSD and take up the helm, or is it up to the new genetically engineered pilots to do the job? Regardless of whose in the red and white, whose going to survive?
There’s a good deal of over the top scene eating going on in this bad boy. Like, there’s so much cheese intentional or not that it might trigger my lactose intolerance! The villain is a super-cartoon character, the team leader is a hyper-Texan, and it’s just all competitive flexing all over the place between everyone. I’d like to imagine that people probably had a fun time on set and a hard time keeping a straight face, but I also don’t think it’s a situation where any of it is intended to be bad acting - but likewise I don’t really think it’s without some moments of being tongue in cheek. I’d call it “good for what’s probably called for” but I also doubt that it’s something anyone would be putting up for awards.
Characters aren’t given too many things to play with. We have some strong types in there, and they do have driving forces so it’s not like they are bad characters - they just don’t get to go to far. There’s a little of that “old school” romance in there where it’s more of an “oh, okay” than necessarily some heart warming love story, and there’s a lot of overblown traits to sell things. The badguy needlessly killing other pilots? Well, yeah, he’s the bad guy so he has to play by thunderdome rules. That being said, a lot of times they can over-blow the characteristics of their characters that it actually ends up being arguably more entertaining than if it was played super serious - but that’s neither here nor there because it’s really all just comparing to imaginary alternatives. The best way to sum up the characters, and in some ways even the acting, would be to call this thing a sports movie - except the sport is giant robot fights.
Jox
This being a science fiction bit, we get to some some imaginative - if not budget -ideas getting thrown around on the screen and that’s of course one of my favorite parts about the genre tag. Yeah, we’ll get some normal clothes in there, and some uniform track-suits and running man tight-suits, but we also get all sorts of little greeblies plastered all over things to make futuristic control harnesses, cockpit controls, robots, and set dressings. Yes, it’s just about he slowest moving hover car around, but it is still a hover car. You can recognize some of the bits - like the old AV cables sticking into the gloves of the pilot suit, or the motorcycle helmets used for pretty much every head protective gear in the entire movie.
The effects work is pretty decent, and honestly the part I fully expected to hold up the least. Yes, i can see the wires on the rocket fist as it’s flying and a lot of the scenes involving the robots bopping around look pretty janky as they move around. Also yes, some of the pilot wounds look pretty syrupy or obvious make up - not that I’m requiring realism out of a movie about giant robots duking it out mind you - but towards the end there are some genuinely good looking parts where you could probably convince a person it was a dude in a suit instead of a miniature or model getting used. The actual quality of it was pretty clear as well which isn’t bad given it’s from 89 and I’m watching it on the same 4k monitor that’s given me issues with some other movies and trying to full screen it. I’m legitimately impressed about that - but in the vein of being fair I’m also not as picky as some people can be, and the big models and the likes might not be nearly as impressive to other people regardless of how clear or smooth it might move in some scenes. Explosions still look cool though.
Now, there is stuff to think about in there and you could make some commentary out of it - but this time I’m leaving that to the watchers. This thing is a cartoon in my mind, and I’m not watching a cartoon for morals and commentary on society - although the better ones do a wonderful job of sneaking that stuff in on you and learning yah some. This is a movie about giant robots getting piloted by larger than life pilots duking it out instead of wars. The sound design helps this - you hear everyone fine, the music is fittingly over the top with it’s fanfare and celebration, and as always leaves my mind by the credit roll. The sound work for the robots and impacts and the likes sells things as you are watching it, and even though you could say that some of the line deliveries are a bit dated or perhaps even some of it is offensive (good game butt pats aren’t cool anymore right?) it’s perfectly fine in my book.
Robots
I had fun with it, but I openly admit the movie isn’t something that I would necessarily say is a good movie by most standards. That said, it holds up way better than I would have thought, and sometimes you really don’t want something really serious with giant robots. Not everything needs to be Gundam with it’s war stories - sometimes you just want some scene chewing pilots and a budget Van Damme to get in their giant robot toys and launch some lasers and hidden chainsaw crotch blades at each other. Crash and burn!