What I’m about to watch any given week is about as unpredictable as the weather sometimes. You might thing I would be doing another sword and sandals flick since last week would have been a great set up for it, but no. Oddly enough, although totally unrelated you could probably find some connections still - like nature and female leads - but I assure you those are in fact accidental to the real fact we are watching what we are watching tonight. I’ve been playing a lot of a video game with severe weather and tornados lately, and it’s been pretty fun - and then one of the “newly added” options happened to be the sequel to this movie - which of course led me to decide I should do the original movie. Get ready for a movie that might suck in all the right ways, tonight we watch Twister.
There’s a lot of things I don’t know about, and probably just as much I only know about in passing. For example, I know Conan is a barbarian, and I had fun with the Arnold movies. I also know there was some books, comics, games - that sort of stuff. Now, if you wanted me to go in more depth than that, there’s nothing to it - I know of all that stuff’s existence, but I haven’t really done much of anything with it outside of watch the movies. I also know a lot of movies get trashed by the common audience, and when I watch it I don’t end up finding them nearly as egregious or insulting as the common person. Combine all of that stuff and we can get an idea for what’s going to happen tonight, when we tackle a character I know of in passing as “baller warrior chick” that get’s crapped on because her fashion choice has statistically been flaunted as scale bikinis which aren’t exactly known for their high armor class value despite effectively being the female equal of a certain barbarian whose common outfit depiction is a fur cloth covering his dangly bits. I didn’t hear many good things about this movie, but I can’t imagine it’s going to be that bad - tonight we are watching the 2025 attempt at Red Sonja.
Prepare yourselves for a bloody good time. This isn’t really something from the backlog if I’m being honest - it’s on the list yes but it’s also way to recent to be considered stuck in the log. Heck, it came to streaming (on a service i already pay for) the day after i did the last review, otherwise it probably would have been done then. Anywho, trailer tells me i’m going to have a violent cultist packed time, and I can dig that. I expected something like that “drew the hide and seek card on wedding night and now I’m a sacrifice” movie that I had fun watching but forgot the name of - so can’t go wrong unless blood showers aren’t your thing right? Strap yourself up, tonight They Will Kill You.
Out of left field we bring some comedy this week. I will admit I wracked my mind for a bit to come up with a suitable “go ‘murica” fourth of July entry that I haven’t already done, but when I finally got down to it and started scrolling through my to-watch list this one gave me a chuckle. Does the trailer make it look like a pretty dumb movie? Yeah. Does it also have a bit of accent to it? Yeah. So forget about logical theming, we are gonna watch the charming looking ghost movie and see if it is in fact Extra Ordinary.
The actual requirements for me to watch a movie aren’t that high. It could easily be argued that I would be more picky about what I’m watching if I am watching with a crowd - mostly because I do honestly try not to make other people suffer through some of the real low-bar stuff I watch and still enjoy. Yeah, every now and then I’ll pick a Troll 2 stinker off the shelf and force someone to watch it so they know my pain, but most the time I’m more interested in everyone having a good time. I was left alone tonight, which means the universe was open to me - new, old, foreign, domestic, artsy or cookie cutter, nothing was out of bounds. After looking it all over, checking to see if there was any sales on the stuff in my backlog, and various other things, one movie tickled my fancy like watching a panda accidentally fall off of something. Hope you all like Jackie Chan - tonight we are watching Panda Plan.
New movie on the movie night tonight! Heck yeah! Ever have one of those moments where it just pops into your head that you should check for something and realize that yes, it just so happens it’s available? Yeah, that is pretty much how it’s gone down on this occasion. Straight up, it is a sequel - so be advised in that front, recognize that there may be some spoilers for the first one even though I usually try not to spoil stuff in these, and that it’s most certainly going to be better if you watch the first as the majority of setup is there. Sure, you could skip it and still be roughly fine, but you loose some of that fine attachment you know? Throw on your sunglasses and then throw your hat, tonight is Mortal Kombat 2.
My fantasy game had an update, and it’s got me craving some fantasy flicks. The one that would most match the game i’ve already done, but I had another one in mind and it happened to be on sale, so I guess that’s as close to planetary alignment as you can ask for in the middle of a hot week filled with chaos. Grab your magic rocks, prepare for something older than me, and let out your inner sorcerer’s apprentice - tonight we watch Dragonslayer.
Welcome back to this weeks episode as slightly younger than me anime, where we go back to the time just past the dinosaurs when we had colors and animation in the same spot. Eighties anime was a thing, and let me say that it won’t be for everyone after folks have gotten “the good stuff” from modern times. If you got lucky enough to experience a still picture with seizure inducing sharp-cut lines in the background over extend talk sections to cut the budget, you already know what I’m talking about - still, everything needs to start somewhere. Tonight’s entry started a lot more still with an artist over in Japan with a very recognizable style if you know, and between then and now has gotten multiple whacks at cinema in various forms of animation and has inspired a whole lot in the lines of one of my person interests - mecha. Oh yeah, big old stompy bots are back baby, tonight we watch Appleseed.
I am a Trekkie, not a Trekker or whatever the hell they call themselves now, I am a Trekkie. If there was a Trek convention happening near me and I wasn’t a broke white boy I would go in full costume. So this is going to be a fairly involved review. I apologize. I started this review a while ago and stopped when I was at two pages (just movie not including intro) and we hadn’t gotten past the twenty minute mark in the movie. I realized that no one wanted to read that. (If you want the full nerd rants please leave a request in the comments and if I get five, I will finish and post the full Trekkie nerd rant.) Also, I am not doing the spoilers section. I honestly cannot figure out where to put it, you should watch the movie first, and since this review pulls in 6 TV shows and 10 movies, it seems a moot point. So here I intend to review as both a movie, and hit on the major things that bother me as a fan of Star Trek.
I have a love hate relationship with number 2 movies. They are the middle ground, the space-filler, and tend to be the redheaded stepchild of the trilogy. Most of the time their only purpose is to build you up to the fight at the end of the third movie, usually resulting in a cliffhanger. This isn't to say that I don't like the middle of the trilogy, The Empire Strikes Back is my favorite Star Wars movie, but I also like resolution and character arc's. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest bored the life out of me and the third movie failed to make the wait worth it. And it would require an entire article and then some to cover my hatred for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (and will at some point).
It seems to me that comic book movies should be easy to make. Aside from the latex costumes, the people are already drawn for you, all the designs are laid out in pictures, there is usually 30 years of stories to choose from, and if you watch Sin City you know that cell-by-cell adaptations can work really well. So why do most comic book movies fall short of the fans expectations? The Fox X-Men and Fantastic Four movies felt flat to me, the DC comic movies yo-yo all over the place and always fail to show the heroes at their best. In 2004, Marvel Comics announced that they would be producing their own movies from there own production studio. Part of me was excited, Marvel doing the movies there way, not someone else's. Gotta be good right? But what if we just get more of the same? I've already accepted I will never get the Avengers movie I wanted (boy was I wrong), so why should I even bother watching anymore?
Oh Dune, this is one of those movies where all the pieces are there and they just do not come together properly. It is full of talent with David Lynch directing and full of stars like Brad Dourif, Patrick Stewart, Virginia Madsen, Dean Stockwell, and the list goes on! There are some beautiful sets, as well as some ugly ones (personally hate the Emperor's golden everything when it is described as jade). For its day the special effects were pretty good, and the scope was pretty epic for movies that were coming out at that time. So why did it fail? Why does it sometimes leave me wondering if the people making this movie read the same book I just did?
This movie is a great blueprint on how to introduce an action character. The plot is simple and straight forward, the movie doesn't overload the viewer with background information or try to be this big tent pole movie. It also stays true to the comic source material, great example, he NEVER takes his helmet off. Now, many might ask why something as simple as seeing his face is important and that is a valid question. Simply, if he never takes it off in the 30 plus years of comic strips, why would he do it in the movie? Most people won't care about stuff like that, but to the fans it shows that the makers of the film care about being true to the source material. I don't want to see someone's version of the comic, I want to see the comic turned movie. If you want to do your version, make it "Your name": Judge Dredd.
The Punisher Is one of my favorite comic book characters. Not sure why, but I just love the guy's straight forward, one man war on anything evil. The Punisher (1989) with Dolph Lundgren was a great 80's-tastic action movie, but could have been better. Just like The Punisher (2004) with Tom Jane was a good spaghetti western, but not a great Punisher movie. Both had there faults, my main problem was that it felt like we weren't getting the whole Punisher. Dolph was a good "dark" Punisher, and Tom Jane was great, but he was just starting out and we never really get to see him in full "Punisher" mode. With Warzone, we get it all.
This movie is in my top 5 favorite movies as well as the comic it was created from is my favorite comic. I remember when it was announced that it was actually being made (this is one of those movies that took 10 years and like 6 directors before anything was shot) I prayed the studio would back out. After seeing V for Vendetta and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, I wanted this to fail. Sure, comic book movies have come a long way. And each entry seems to progressively better, and Sin City did make me feel like i was reading the book, but no one had done any of Alan Moore's work justice. Both League and V left me asking if the writers had read the actual comics or just the summary.
At the start of this flick we find out that the pyramids were built by aliens to house humanities last hope against... something. Fast forward from the 20th century to the 23rd and the aliens are coming back to protect humanity when they are attacked and the weapon stolen. Well add some science and cgi to the mix and they bring to life Milla Jovovich who can't speak a word of English. She escapes and runs into Korban Dallas, or as he refers to himself as a meat popsicle. Played by none other than Bruce Willis, Korban is an ex military black ops, recently divorced, smoking, one liner popping hero. Some might see it as cliche, but we all know it equals pure AWESOME.
Moon is the directorial debut for Duncan Jones, a British film maker. It is an independent film about Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell) who works for Lunar Industries running a mining station on the moon. He is the only human there with GERTY the robot (Kevin Spacey) as his only companion. He is contracted for a 3 year shift, with the movie primarily focusing on the last 2 weeks. Communication is limited due to satellite problems and the companies lack if interest in fixing it.
This review is difficult. I want to tell people about the pure awesome that is Doctor Who, but how? Obviously people love and watch the show, the original or Classic Doctor Who as it is known now started in 1963 and ended in 1989. There was a T.V. movie in 1997 (starting Eric Roberts as the Master), then finally a reboot/continuation in 2005. Despite this, I run into people all the time who have never heard or watched a show that has lasted 50 years. That's right, this show is having its 50 year Anniversary Special in November, then we have the Christmas Special a month later that introduces us to the Twelfth Doctor. So instead of doing a normal review where I try to give the good and bad, I am taking a page from the Doctor and just going ramble about the show and why I watch it.
At the time of writing this I have only watched up to season 5 consecutively. I also apologize in advance for all the acronyms, the government is addicted to them.
Dune is a heavy space epic written by Frank Herbert. Set in the far future amidst a feudal interstellar society in which noble houses, in control of individual planets, owe allegiance to the imperial House Corrino. Dune is the story of young Paul Atreides, the heir apparent to Duke Leto Atreides as his family accepts control of the desert planet Arrakis, the only source of the "spice". Spice is the most important and valuable substance in the universe, increasing Arrakis's value as a fief. The story explores the multi-layered interactions of politics, religion, ecology, technology, and human emotion, as the forces of the empire confront each other in a struggle for the control of Arrakis and its "spice", because "he who controls the spice controls the universe".
So what happens when a network goes to Nathan Fillion and say, hey we got a show where you get to be a writer who's also a detective. Well of course that be enough to attract his attention. Add the name Rick Castle and costar Stana Katic as Kate Beckett and we have Castle. Airing March 9, 2009, it follows Rick Castle, a big time mystery writer who just killed off his main character Derek Storm. When he gets called in questioning by Beckett, he learns that someone is killing by copying his books. So of course he helps catch the bad guy and gets the hots for Beckett in the process. With his connections with the mayor he gets to follow her around for idea's and we get a series. The 3rd season began airing Sept. 20th, 2010. The show is on Monday night at 10pm EST on ABC.
Supernatural first aired Sept. 13, 2005 on the WB and just started it's sixth season on the CW. Staring Jared Padalecki as Sam Winchester and Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester who go around the country hunting demon's, monster's and the paranormal. The creation of Eric Kripke, who wanted a road trip show with two guys who fight urban legends and monsters. In his own words "We say it’s a modern American Western - two gunslingers who ride into town, fight the bad guys, kiss the girl and ride out into the sunset again.
Silent but deadly. No, I'm not talking about farts, I'm talking about ninjas! Think about what makes a ninja a ninja and then cement him into two dimensional side scrolling action and you get yourself a pretty fun idea. Well, this sure as heck isn't any Ninja Gaiden game so maybe it's not quite what you had envisioned. Will you blend with the darkness to strike your foe, or simply fade into obscurity?
Yet another game that I've been late to the table on, FTL harnesses the concept of replay-ability by infusing nearly every aspect between the start and finish with sheer random luck. Space can be a dangerous place, home to many an alien species and nebula to play havoc on your systems while you try and complete your goal. So then, pilot, think you can brave the dark cold of space and come out on top?
Cars that seduce the eyes, the smell of burning rubber, the pulsing sounds of some great music and the wind in your hair. Okay, best two of four? Burnout trades in it's major crash-mode for a bit more of a street racer feel, bumping and grinding your competition out of the way in a no-holds barred race from location A to location B. Does it help that the soundtrack ranges from classical to Paradise City? Yeah, it totally does.
If you happen to be one of the folks out there who are prone to motion sickness, you better avoid this or at the least have an emergency bag at the ready while playing. Regardless of plot, art style, or anything else in here, this game is first and foremost an arcady Free Runner simulator meant to give you the thrill of high-mobility free running. Free running, if you haven't heard of it, is sometimes referred to as Parkour - a training discipline using movement that developed out of military obstacle course training - that amounts to a lot of fluid and sometimes outrageous jumps, flips, and otherwise seemingly dangerous tasks. Although parkour is a blast to watch, the real question is: is it a blast to play?
"When legions of monstrous creatures, known as Kaiju, started rising from the sea, a war began that would take millions of lives and consume humanity's resources for years on end. To combat the giant Kaiju, a special type of weapon was devised: massive robots, called Jaegers, which are controlled simultaneously by two pilots whose minds are locked in a neural bridge. But even the Jaegers are proving nearly defenseless in the face of the relentless Kaiju."
"The Cosmic Cube is a device of untold power capable of changing the very fabric of reality at the whim of its possessor. The brilliant but malevolent Dr. Doom has the Cube, and with it he aims to reshape the world in his own image. Determined to succeed where the Cube's previous wielders have failed, Doom has lined up villainous allies to prevent the super-heroes from interfering. Can you unravel Doctor Doom's sinister plan and stop him before it's too late?"
They were called Tenno. Warriors of blade and gun: masters of the Warframe armor. Those that survived the old war were left drifting among the ruins. Now they are needed once more.
"Take on a legion of Space Pirates and a new Metroid force as you forge into the covert underworld of Planet Zebes! It's up to you and Samus to recapture the long-surviving Metroid hatchling before evil hands unleash its energy. An army of ominous creatures are poised for battle at every turn of Zebes' twisted, threatening passageways..."
The massively multiplayer online market has a lot of games in its diverse log books, with many hours logged for most of them by hundreds and thousands (if not more) players. Some of these games, however, aren't met with as favorable a launch reaction, or run into problems with owning companies go under (such as Hellgate London). In the curious case of APB, it started as a boxed purchase game, has issues that caused it to go down, then was later adopted by GamersFirst as a F2P model game (that's Free to play). I've spent about three days on and off with it, and I'm ready enough to give you an impression of the game and what it happens to be all about.
In a galaxy far, far away,
a secretive struggle for power occurs.
Our heroes battle a seemingly mundane Boss,
but they blow it...
In a galaxy far, far away,
two wayward heroes carry on.
Who’s side are they really on?
NPCs are starting to wonder...
In a galaxy far, far away,
two guys with guns continue their stories.
However, looming in the distance,
evil waits to rear its ugly head...
Skynet may have dropped the ball on following through with the movie-designated doomsday, but it crops it's head up to try and interrupt two dudes enjoying this sci-fi masterpiece. Listen in for some interesting tid-bits, or just to hear the poor meat popsicles suffer at the hands of their robotic internet overlord.
Pronounced "Pair-a-bore-male act-dreary 4". It's hard to imagine they could take the series and make one worse , but they did it. Grab a blanket and your drool cup folks, and if you are afraid of catching a bit of stupid, you might want to just fast forward to the post-movie chattering.
What happens when you find people with as many facial expressions as Kristen Stewart and face them off against a creature that happens to be ancient alien DNA spliced with spiders in space by russian scientists after they descend back into earth aboard the broken-off disposal unit? Spiders 3D. Why three d? I don't know, but thats what the title real calls it even though nowhere else is it ever mentioned..
Really, the title says it all here: Its Osama + Zombies. Watch the world's wost military outfit combat legions of the undead in the desert less effectively than an angry firefighter and his idiot sister. Serious though, this one's better than a lot of our other ones! I promise!
Ever wonder what would happen if you injected a Sasquatch into a bad version of Assault on Precinct 13? Obviously, the lovable sassafrass steals the entire show, and shows us just what a hairy guy has to put up with in a city full of kung-fu hookers and rent-a-cops.
Join us on as we comment on how Steve is a jerk and poor misunderstood Francis is just trying to put on a nice dinner party.
Now, if you don't know what SquareSpace is, you are technically looking at it right now. SquareSpace is a nice little web-host / tool that not only hosts the finished product, but also helps you maintain and update your website with ease. Everything on this site (with exception of hosting the videos) comes using their tools directly. It's a pretty diverse set, but I should elaborate that they are also a busy group of workers who are constantly trying to improve their services and make it better and easier. Take this review as an "at the moment of writing" review, particularly with the pros and cons list, as things certainly change. As a matter of fact, I'll even leave in some of the stuff they changed with a note next to it to show you the kind of drive these fine people have.
After the loss of my previous surround sound headset (the band broke), I found myself needing a replacement. Considering the fact that my PC for which the replacement would need to be bought is in near vicinity of my Xbox, I thought that I might as well follow through on a thought I had some time ago (that lead to my purchase of the older wired version). I've had a good deal of time to use these guys, so I think it's only fair that I finally put up what I think and my experiences on these for anyone else thinking about a pair.
Ever wonder what Terminator would have been like if it was less serious and didn’t have a killer robot sent back with the soldier trying to save the future? Well, you probably still wouldn’t get the movie for tonight, but at the same time it’s still pretty general purpose with that. You may have expected something more weather related, but sometimes you just gotta go real oddball with it. Get out your “don’t take it too serious” pants or prepare for some pain, tonight is a tagline, a commentary, and an experience. Suck it up buttercup and get ready to save the future - oh, and Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die.